"The important thing is not to stop questioning." – Albert Einstein

Teenagers in love

December 15, 2011 by rose23 · 6 Comments · Faranimah, Rohani, Rosefadzilah, Rosni

Teenagers in Love

Parents’ reactions to teen romance.
Published on June 2, 2009 by Nancy Kalish, Ph.D. in Sticky BondsFriends from our childhood or adolescence are special, no matter how much time has elapsed between visits. These compelling connections are the result of shared roots during the formative years. Our childhood friends and teenage sweethearts experienced with us all the wonderful, horrible, boring, and embarrassing moments that helped to make us who we are today.

Yet, when children are young, parents may regard these relationships as insignificant. If the family must move to a new community and the children’s close friends must be left behind, so what? They will make new friends, the parents assure them. But, is a friend as interchangeable as a new toy for an old one, or is there more to friendship than that? Why are we so elated to rediscover long lost friends in our adult years if, as some parents believe, they were so dispensable to us as children?

Even more belittled by many parents is a teenager’s (or preteen’s) love for a boyfriend or girlfriend. Adults refer to these relationships with demeaning language, calling them “just puppy love,” and these romantic bonds are not taken seriously. Parents question the ability of teenagers to know what love is, yet they accept their teenagers’ statements, “I love you, Mom & Dad,” with full appreciation and at face value. If adults accept that teenagers can love parents truly, then shouldn’t they also accept that teen romances are “real” love?

Recreational dating is relatively new. Teenagers many years ago married their first sweethearts right out of high school. These men and women of the World War II Generation married at younger ages than their Baby Boomer children or their Generation X or Millennial grandchildren. Buteducation has become prolonged, so marriage is later.

The age of puberty, however, has dropped. Whatever the reasons for this, reaching puberty influences the age of first love and first sexual experience. It is rare now to marry a first love. Today’s teenagers date not for mate selection but for fun. However, the first love experience is no less powerful than it was in the 1940′s.

Adults who underestimate the strength of the bond– or the impact of the loss — of a first love may have forgotten what a blow it was when they lost their own first loves. They may even try to comfort teenagers with lighthearted lessons: a surprising number of men and women wrote to me to bitterly complain about parents who joked years ago, “Don’t worry! Boyfriends/girlfriends are like buses… a new one comes along every ten minutes!” This was not helpful, and it was not funny. The loss of a first love can be so crushing to some teenagers that they become suicidal.

The pain of the breakup will subside with time, but the love may stay buried and dormant for decades. While most men and women find satisfying partners after first love breakups, there are adults who spend their married years aware that “something is missing.” They continue to think about their lost first loves. Perhaps if they had married their first loves when they were younger, they tell me, they could have formed lasting and fulfilling marriages, but they will never know. These romances were interrupted – often by their parents’ interference.

In my recent survey of 1600 people (who had never tried a reunion with a lost love), ages 18 to 92, 56% of the participants said they would not want to go back to their first loves, 19% were not sure — but 25% said they would!

Even the adults who had no current interest in their first loves, including those who had only bitter memories, revealed that these early romances influenced their life-long attitudes about love, and even about themselves.

The longer I study lost loves and lost love reunions, the clearer it becomes to me how important young love really is. First love, young love, is indeed real love. This intense love does not come along every ten minutes. For some people, it may come only once in a lifetime.

Copyright 2010 by Nancy Kalish, Ph.D.

6 Comments so far ↓

  • rose23

    Dear friends, this is our task 9 which requires us to identify the author’s argument. In my opinion, the author is supporting the articles. As we can see, paragraph 2 and 3 showed that the author agreed on the teenage loves because she’s stated clearly in paragraph 3 which is “If adults accept that teenagers can love parents truly, then shouldn’t they also accept that teen romances are “real” love?” So, how about you all?

  • farah5489

    in my opinion, i think the message that the author tried to conveys here is about the impact of teenagers in love to their life which the author mentioned there, “In my recent survey of 1600 people (who had never tried a reunion with a lost love), ages 18 to 92, 56% of the participants said they would not want to go back to their first loves, 19% were not sure — but 25% said they would! ” shows that there is actually impact of teenagers in love to their life even if it is a lost love. but it is just an opinion, maybe others can correct me?

  • rose23

    Yes Farah~ that’s one of what the author trying to say. She’s not only given the assumption, she also come out with a statistic survey or kind of evidence to support her argument by including the research finding. The support is relevant because it directly related to the argument which is the impact of teenagers in love. agree??

  • farah5489

    yes, i agree with you when you say relevant supports are needed in order t support the author’s argument.. i believe that this article has showed the best example when the author tried to maximize the using of relevant support to support his argument..

  • rose23

    yes farah,,it shows this article has its credibility. Good article is the one that has a credibility and validity. it means that, it is logic. right?

  • Aney

    hello girls… in my opinion the issue in this article is the impacts of love relationship towards the teenagers nowadays… but i’m not very sure about it so i’m asking ur opinion regarding it.. :)
    i have a same thought like you rose. in my point of view the article is validity it is because the author shows the statistic of survey to prove the statement that he write. hehe..

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